So does taking responsibility lead to self healing?
I saw this image on Facebook this morning and just loved it, so I am using it (with great thanks to Spice of Life) as it fits in perfectly with what I wanted to write about today. Talking about what I choose to write about - it has been so interesting to see what people's reactions are to what I choose to share in this blog. My purpose for sharing what I share is to resonate with others, to connect with others, to make others feel like they are not alone - and this is happening in a way that far exceeds how I expected it to, and so quickly too. On the other hand, there have been those that have seen it as me having a really hard time and to be really struggling within. The thing is - I don't see it as this epic struggle, rather what I am experiencing is that I am so incredible more aware of what is going on inside of me, that I am able to process it quite quickly, rather than sitting with it festering inside me, and then move on - I find that no matter my current external circumstances, that I am essentially in a really good space and I have so many amazing things happening in my life right now, that would not have happened without these circumstances....... And I choose to share the things that I feel others will resonate with, not to garner sympathy (because I definitely don't need it), and to, in a way, speak for others when they find it difficult to express what's happening inside themselves. So yes, it can appear to be way out there for some, and too personal for others and I respect that. At the same time, until we reach out to each other and really WORK with what is really happening in our lives, then we will stay disconnected. So blogging like this is a way to make this kind of sharing "okay" and it works for me in that I really love writing like this and in the writing comes clarity for me and more AHA's and the deepening of my own insights!! And yes it will sometimes be clumsy, and sometimes be painful, but above all it will be authentic!! Phew!! Ended up being a lot longer than I anticipated :)
So what do I mean when I ask the question "So does taking responsibility lead to healing?" Picture this: I curently have a situation with someone where I do not like what has happened, it hurts, it's hard, it's unexpected, it feels unfair... do you get the feeling? At the same time this person will not discuss it with me, so I have no idea what is going on for that person in this situation. So I find that when I am in these kind of situations, I often tend to to blame the other person - yup, I think many of you will find you do the same... It's the other person's fault and they won't even talk to me about it - how unfair is that, blah!blah!blah!!! So in the space of not knowing what the %&$# is going on, and really trying to grapple with it, comes this small voice from inside: "So Kim, what's your role in this? What, in who you are being, created this situation? What responsibility are you willing to take?"
Because it is in being able to see what my role is in the situation, and to really see who I am being, that I can see where I am the cause of my own pain adn see how I have also been resopnsible in creating this situation. And once I can see that, then my healing can begin!!! Oh what power there is in that!! Because then I do take responsibility for my pain AND for my own healing too - pure GOLD!!!
Because in reality, the other person is only giving me what I am asking for - yes, hear it again - the other person is only giving me what I ask for - not asking verbally, or on the surface, but internally, with my internal dialogue and beliefs about myself. Ha! I can hear you saying again, but I didn't ask for this to happen, I didn't want it to be like this... well, guess what, if you take the time and really look, go inside and be still and really listen when you ask yourself, "What responsibility did I have in creating this situation? - "How was I a part of creating it?" - You may be surprised with the answers that you get.
So in my processing, and in not having any input from the other person, I have come to peel another layer away, to access another "erroneous" belief I have about how people will treat me, that I probably created when I was very little, which is then the space that I conduct these kind of realtionships in. Understand, this is NOT overt, it can take time to access these nuggets (for they are nuggets, because they are what we can use to transform into our gold). At the same time, this is the actual space that I am creating my relationships in and this is what causes those blocks, those misunderstandings. How can anyone really feel safe with me, if underpinning our "relationship" is this core poisonous belief? The space is not safe for the other person and the relationship will not be what I want it to be.
And this is what I mean by taking responsibility so that the healing can begin. Because as I now get a deeper understanding of myself and what I bring to situations like this, and an awareness of the underlying energy that I create with this person, I can then look at it and decide - do I want to carry on like this, or do I want to shift it? And I find that each time I get that deeper insight into myself, when I get the AHA! of who I am being, and how I am responsible, there is a change in my energy, my vibration feels higher and lighter, and as I shift what that old belief was, and it can be as easy as because I decide to, then the magic happens. People respond to that energy, the space I create for them is safer, more authentic, more real. And that person may never speak to me again because of what has gone before, but they have served me well, as they have given me the kick in the arse to go inside and really look at who I am being, have "pushed a button " in me, where I have then been able to really look within and take responsibility for my own healing!!
And yes, it has hurt and it has been painful AND it is truely powerfull!! And the shifts that I now choose to make, create a safe space for others to be in relationship to me!! That is powerful alchemy!!
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Till next tme
With the greatest love