Tuesday, 28 January 2014

So……. How much responsibility am I willing to take to ……?

At the moment I am very conscious of the concept of taking responsibility, sparked off by something that happened with one of my friends a number of months ago. Something hadn’t worked out how she wanted it to and she was quite emphatic that this was the only way for her.  Now this was regarding her health and what popped in my head, as she was saying why she couldn’t do it  any other way was – “So how much responsibility are you willing to take for your health?” And then  I bit my tongue because in that instant, of what was probably judgement, I realised that the same thing applies to me – she was being a mirror to me and I should actually be asking myself the same question.  I have some health things I “should” be sorting out and it is very easy to carry on in my comfort zone and do nothing about them.  Partly also why I have avoided writing this blog because in the writing of it, I know that I will be taking myself out of my comfort zone and pushing myself to do something about my health – at last!!

And so what is it about responsibility that keeps coming up for me?  I am so aware of it at the moment – both for myself and in conversations with my friends. For me this is one of those on-going life lessons and that we need to get being responsible on a deeper and deeper level.  It is about how much I am prepared to do to make my life work in the way that I want it to work.  I remember about 6 years ago being asked how much responsibility I was prepared to take to make sure that my sons had a relationship with their father.  Their father lives a 2 hour flight away and I have had all these stories about why he doesn’t keep in touch with them, all the stuff that I got myself hooked into and it has taken this long for me to really start to let go of that STUFF – which is just my story – and really look at how I can work with their dad to make things happen – to make sure that they DO have a relationship with their dad.  Instead of blaming, I need to work with how things are (Not how I think they should be) and so create a space for everyone to move into, where they can ease into a relationship where there was very little relationship before.  I realise that although I am no longer in a direct relationship with their dad, I am key to making their relationship happen (as is everyone else) and unless I was willing to step up and look at how I engage with him, what expectations I have of him (mostly unsaid but still out there), then there would be no space for the boys to move towards their dad or their dad to move towards them…..  We all get so caught up in the blame game, I think so that we can avoid that responsibility.  Because taking responsibility can cause us to be uncomfortable, can be hard, can make us look at ourselves differently and oh boy! do we not want to do that!!!  It ties in so beautifully with change for ourselves – it’s when we move out of our comfort zone that the magic happens.  And so too, when we really look at taking responsibility, we do change, we do shift what we are experiencing, thinking, feeling  and then the magic starts happening.  Suffice it to say, I have a long way to go in this Kim, Dad and Boys scenario. At the same time, I am so aware that my boys had a great time with their dad over Christmas and they feel connected to him in a way that they have not done for many years – after all he is their dad and it is SO important for all us that they do have a relationship with him.

And this taking responsibility means that I have to take stock of where I am at.  What is it that I don’t want, like, blame in my life?  Do I REALLY want it to be different?  Ok, if I do, then what am I going to do about it to make it happen? No one else will, or can really, take that responsibility in a way that really satisfies ME. And for me, the beginning of the year is a good time to take stock, become clear on what I do want and then set down the steps that I am prepared to do to make it happen.  And some things will work and others won’t – the bottom line however will be that I am the one making it happen, I am moving towards how I want my life to be, I am in charge and I am relying on myself and I am standing in my own power to ensure that what happens in my life, in my relationships, in my work, in my finances are happening because I am taking responsibility.

And in the grand scheme of this dance of life, this is only the start of taking responsibility….. but that’s a discussion for another day!

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With the greatest love - till next time