Powerful seems to be my theme for 2016. And part of being powerful is in getting writing again and using the voice that I have in a way that I love. It is so long since I did any of this kind of writing - it feels like I had got so caught up in survival in the world (not in a bad way, I was doing what I love, working with people - just being too focused in one area and not having some necessary balance), that in some way I diminished my power and let some of it go, and in doing that I "lost" my voice for a bit. I wonder how different things could have been if I had balanced out my life doing more of the things that I love and using that energy to build my internal power, to be authentically powerful!
And by power, I don't mean that domineering, aggressive, autocratic, making others feel small kind of power. Rather I mean that beautiful,internal energy, that allows you to shine, allows you to give of yourself to the world and contribute in an authentic positive way, that allows you to connect with who you really are, that gives you purpose and is your real life force. That is power in it's pure form.
At the beginning of this year I went through an incredible process with my friend Anni. The purpose of this process was to set my "word" for 2016. What this means is to have a word to live into for the year. I had no preconceived ideas of what this word would be and I certainly did not expect it to be what it is. My word is POWERFUL!! While it was unexpected, it just feels right and it rings true in my heart. It feels like this my time to really come into my own - to share the authentic me in a connected way with people - to be beautifully powerful.
I am aware that I am one of those people who make nice, who smooths things over, who likes to keep the peace. As with anything, there are positive and negative aspects to this. While all this has a place, it can also be something that in actual fact harms me, the person I should most be taking care of. Because in making nice all the time, I am not standing up for myself (standing up for myself doesn’t have to be aggressive, it can be calm and gentle), I am being subservient and I am not taking care of my needs - in effect I am giving my power away. I am getting to see that more and more. Right now it is not comfortable, it is challenging and I am aware of my own resistance, and yet I know deep down that now is the time for me to shift this, so that I DO take care of myself in a powerful way, without diminishing anyone else - really just to be powerfully strong and very grounded.
I have been grappling internally with this for some time. My partner, Neil, tends to hold a tight space for me here - he can see more clearly than I can where I give my power away and he challenges me all along the way. He does not rescue me, he does push my buttons big time (which I know are my areas of growth) - he wants to see me shine, he wants to receive what I can bring to the world, if I will only allow myself to access it, so that I can be a mirror to others to reflect their own power back to them - that innate wisdom that needs to be shared. And for that I honour him, even as I grapple with it (and with him!! LOL!! J)
And I have done some other powerful work too, looking at ways to shift myself. A while ago, I went on an inner child art based workshop - and I loved it. I have never viewed myself as being artistic, however I loved the process of getting totally absorbed in what I was doing, with beautiful music playing in the background, and found that I created some pieces that I really connect with. I feel that when we can access that side of ourselves where we can get totally absorbed in what we are doing, that is when we can tap into our own immense power. It frees up the mind to create your life on a whole different level and allows you to access parts of yourself that you tend to keep hidden.
And then to further reinforce this whole theme of being powerful in this last week I had my astrology chart reading with Anya (a really tuned-in astrologist) and what came out of that reading is that right now, my challenges are around power, that what is going on in my life is around supporting me to step back into my power, to take my power back from where I have given it away - no blame to anyone else, they can't take my power unless I give it to them. As the chart says, I could not avoid this time - unsettling, difficult, challenging, unavoidable - POWERFUL and liberating if I choose it to be. And in that I have a choice - I can either allow these challenges and struggles to overwhelm me and keep giving away my power and sit with a level of discomfort all the time. Or I can choose to work with it, especially to grapple with being uncomfortable and shifting things up despite myself, and in that access my power, claim my power back and grow more into the kind of human being I would like to be, into a space of being more at ease within myself.
From my chart, it also seems that I have the option to use this time as powerful building blocks to create something great for me - something that is aligned to my purpose, my reason for being on this earth at this time. That for me is truly powerful.
If I am to do that, then best I do it in the space of being powerful within myself, in the space of being connected to myself, in listening to my intuition and in aligning myself with my inner child. Just as I am writing this ( I love this kind of writing - it just flows out of me), I can feel the excitement welling up inside me, as my inner child begins to dance, as I feel as though I am accessing more of my authentic self. Just in writing this blog, I feel myself ease back into my own flow, I feel myself accessing myself all the more, I feel more powerful (that golden light kind of powerful) and much more connected to myself.
And so I plan (and to get there Initially I will have to actually plan it till it comes more naturally), to do more artwork, to play more, to engage with my inner child more, to do more things outdoors, to listen to my own inner wisdom, to take the time to listen to my heart when I am confronted with something that challenges my power and respond in a way that is aligned with my own power and yet does not diminish the other, to dream about what it is I want to do and how I want to be (not wishy-washy but powerful visualisations), write more, laugh more, connect more, do more things that inspire and uplift me, make time for me………. These are the things that inspire me to be POWERFUL