Friday, 30 November 2012

Why is it so hard to ask for support?



Why is it so hard to ask for support?



I am aware that I do not find it easy to ask for support, and that in the not asking that it is often to my detriment. I am often find myself sitting in my ugly, uncomfortable situation, rather than moving out of my comfort zone of "looking good" (even when I am feeling really shitty and miserable and stressed and......you get the feeling!!). It seems as though I would rather stay in that space of misery rather than asking for support, so that I can move into a space of feeling a whole lot lighter. It's like I have to be superwoman and do it all on my own - WHY???? WHAT FOR???

And I want to share an experience I had this week that has helped me shift some of this at deep inner level.  My son needed something and I was not able to provide it and I was really beating myself up about it - because me stewing in my point of view, as his mother, felt that I was solely responsible for him and I should (such a critical word) be doing the providing directly. Well, after spending quite a few hours like this, I had a function I needed to go to - so got in my car, not really wanting to go, and luckily I had the awareness to give myself the space to let some other options pop into my head as I drove along.  And one did, and I followed up on that gut feeling straight away and called this person, who I would not usually ask for support from.  

And the support was agreed to just like that - no resistance whatsoever. Where I feel that I got it right, was I told the story from a space of acceptance, rather than please rescue me (this is key) - this is the reality of where I am at - and can you support me? - if you can great, if you can't, also great. And in that space of being vulnerable, yet authentic (because it is VERY hard for me to admit that I'm not being superwoman), the person I called stepped into the space and agreed to support me with what I was asking for.

And what I have come to really get from this experience - is that I AM supported, often in the most unexpected ways and from the most unexpected people and that there is nothing wrong in reaching out to others for support - that they actually feel valued when I do that.  And I get that, as humans, we need to support one another, both in the asking and the giving. AND that by allowing that support, that I still provided what my son needed, just in a different way.  That all the providing does not have to come directly from me. That I am actually being more powerful when I can ask for support when I am not in a position to give it.  What this also opened up for me is to be open to other possibilities and not to think that things need to be done in a certain way - and that when I live in the space of feeling that there are any number of ways to find a solution (rather than feeling like there is no solution and only a bad situation) - then amazing things can - and do - happen. Man, isn't this journey of being human wonderful??!!

Go on - have a support -filled weekend!

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With the greatest love
Kim
xxxx

Tuesday, 27 November 2012

Good, good, good vibrations!!

Good, good, good vibrations!! (can you hear the Beach Boys singing?!! - it's an age thing!!)

 
I have mulled this post over for some time before writing it because I am not sure if I am able to be clear on what I want to say...and so I may as well get going with it and see where it takes us......
 
I so love it when the book or the person with the messages that you need right now, just happen in your life - I find that keeps happening more and more for me. So....I have been doing a fair bit of reading and also having some quite intensive discussions with various people about taking action and what it really means.  I think many of us feel that we should be constantly taking action and doing, doing, doing till eventually things start happening the way we want them to happen.... or not... And it is in the reading and discussing that I have been doing, that I feel that I am getting another dimension to this - that unless, if how I am feeling about myself is positive and more in alignment with who I really am, then my vibration is going to negatively impact what I am trying to do. And out of this, all the action in the world is not going to effect any huge changes, things will feel like a struggle and it's going to feel as though I am paddling up-stream (metaphorically speaking of course). 
 
So unless my vibrations are in a space where I feel great about me and about what I want to do, I am going to meet constant obstacles, get stuck and sometimes even feel like I am going backwards.  If I can somehow change my feelings of fear or anger or irritability or any emotion that we perceive as negative (more about that shortly) to one of feeling good about myself, then my vibration changes and I am able to go with the flow of life and quickly things become easier, more accessible and I don't have to work so hard.  In that space, the action is then inspired, does not feel like something I have to do and miracles start to happen and I'm going downstream.
 
So the big question is "So how do I change how I am feeling, especially when I am in a shitty space and it's hard to feel good?" This is where I got a  lot out of Esther Hick's book, "The Astonishing Power of Emotions". What I realise is that I need to be aware of how I am feeling - and in that space of awareness to ask myself, "What's actually going on?" Then when I accept where I am at (for me, acceptance is key), I can then look at changing what I want ti change.  Before I carry on, I want to create some clarity about what we call negative emotions.  For me these negative emotions are direction indicators - they are telling me that I'm off track, that I'm going "upstream" and that I'm out of alignment with myself.  They are necessary because without the discomfort they bring, I would keep on getting the same old results and not know why they don't change.
 
So, in the awareness of where I am at and seeing that how I am feeling is not serving me, I can then start changing how I feel.  And to do this, I look at what I am thinking, and I gently start shifting what I am thinking. And as I start to consciously think more positive thoughts I start shifting how I am feeling and I feel my energy begin to shift - I'm moving into those good, good, good vibrations!! I find it easier (more believeable) to work through this slowly, so that I shift from the very negative, to something slightly less negative, less, negative, slightly more positive, more positive...... you get the drift ( it can be done in a matter of minutes) until I am working in the space of anything is possible. I find  that doing this gently keeps that critical, "yeah, right" voice quiet and am able to powerfully shift my energy.  And suddenly, I can breathe easier, life doesn't seem so hard and I find that I am going "downstream", things flow, ideas flow, the right people come into my life, I don't have to struggle at all, and I feel connected to myself and life is really good!
 
Simple - YES!  Easy - not always, AND it can be - it's as simple as changing your mind! I do find that when the "negative" feelings are more intense, that they are often old patterns that I have to to grapple with. However, I am aware that the more aware I am and the more I accept and work with these feelings, the quicker it is and easier it becomes for me to shift my energy.  And this is a constant process - Life will throw us these challenges and it is through how we are in alignment with ourselves and are able to correct our course, that life become effortless!!
 
And that's it for now, on this beautiful summer's day in my part of the world(downstream thought!!)
 
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With the greatest love
Kim
xxxx


Friday, 16 November 2012

Old friends....new friends....the loops in the journey....

 
 

Old friends....new friends....the loops in the journey!

 

I love the energy that writing this blog generates in me... and at the same time, I am aware that I have been dragging my heels and not getting anything written this week... Anyway, am in serious need of an energy shift - feel like I'm in a bit of a fug, so let's go with what comes up!! :)
 
Had a really interesting experience this week.  Met up with some old friends, ex-work colleagues actually (pre Cape Town days) - we go back many years and most of them I have not seen for a number of years. And what I was aware of was how much I have changed in relation to them.  I am not saying that they have not changed, what I am saying is that I realised how much I have changed in the last 5 years, how much I have shifted, how much my values have changed, how much my insights about myself have deepened, how my awareness and consciousness has shifted .... AND I had a fantastic evening - it was fun, light and we had lots of laughs and MANY reminisences.  The real value I got out of it, was in being able to be in the moment in all the laughter and joking and leave all my "stuff" behind.  I realise how important it is to do different things and have different experiences, so that I don't get STUCK in whatever my day-to-day situation is.  All in all a great evening - and worth repeating just for the fun of it!!
 
And then in total contrast - the very next day, I had this amazing conversation, with one of my not so old friends, someone who I have met since I moved to Cape Town 5 years ago. In our chatting, she was helping me work on shifting my energy - looking at my thought patterns and giving me different perspectives. And I realised how different this conversation was, which highlighted to me in a very different way, just how much I have changed.  I am aware that I need people like her in my life, to act as a mirror for me and to support me in getting to grips with LIFE - that I don't have to have all the answers all the time, that I have support all around me to help me get to understand my life a litle bit more. This conversation was deeply soul-satisfying, made me feel very connected to myself and to her. And I realised that this is where the power lies in the changes I have effected in myself - I have created bringing into my life the kind of people who I can have these kind of meaningful conversations with, who I feel connected to in a way I have not felt with people in the past.  And I know it is because of who I am being, that it is through what I have chosen to change within me, that I can now draw people like this into my life - people who "get" me, who resonate with me and who are consciously travelling this path along with me right now.  I love how I am experiencing life right now, even if it is hard at times, as I am getting the most incredible spiritual support, support in me exploring what it is to be human, in a way that does make my soul sing.
 
Neither the old friends, or the new friends are any "better" than the other, they serve different purposes and yet, in this contrast in what I experienced this week, I am so aware of my own transformation, my own access to my power, how I really connecting to me and raising my level of consciousness and how much my soul sings when I am able to connect with someone at such a deep level, as she supports me in my journey.  I am blessed with these amazing people who have come into my life, who are part of supporting me in raising my vibration, and who give me support in connecting internally - I LOVE my journey.
 
Have a great weekend, wherever you are in the world right now!!
 
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With the greatest love
Kim
xxxx


Friday, 9 November 2012

So does taking responsibility lead to self healing....??

 

So does taking responsibility lead to self healing?

 
I saw this image on Facebook this morning and just loved it, so I am using it (with great thanks to Spice of Life) as it fits in perfectly with what I wanted to write about today.  Talking about what I choose to write about - it has been so interesting to see what people's reactions are to what I choose to share in this blog.  My purpose for sharing what I share is to resonate with others, to connect with others, to make others feel like they are not alone - and this is happening in a way that far exceeds how I expected it to, and so quickly too.  On the other hand, there have been those that have seen it as me having a really hard time and to be really struggling within.  The thing is - I don't see it as this epic struggle, rather what I am experiencing is that I am so incredible more aware of what is going on inside of me, that I am able to process it quite quickly, rather than sitting with it festering inside me, and then move on - I find that no matter my current external circumstances, that I am essentially in a really good space and I have so many amazing things happening in my life right now, that would not have happened without these circumstances.......  And I choose to share the things that I feel others will resonate with, not to garner sympathy (because I definitely don't need it), and to, in a way, speak for others when they find it difficult to express what's happening inside themselves.  So yes, it can appear to be way out there for some, and too personal for others and I respect that.  At the same time, until we reach out to each other and really WORK with what is really happening in our lives, then we will stay disconnected.  So blogging like this is a way to make this kind of sharing "okay" and it works for me in that I really love writing like this and in the writing comes clarity for me and more AHA's and the deepening of my own insights!! And yes it will sometimes be clumsy, and sometimes be painful, but above all it will be authentic!! Phew!! Ended up being a lot longer than I anticipated :)
 
So what do I mean when I ask the question "So does taking responsibility lead to healing?"  Picture this: I curently have a situation with someone where I do not like what has happened, it hurts, it's hard, it's unexpected, it feels unfair... do you get the feeling?  At the same time this person will not discuss it with me, so I have no idea what is going on for that person in this situation.  So I find that when I am in these kind of situations, I often tend to to blame the other person - yup, I think many of you will find you do the same... It's the other person's fault and they won't even talk to me about it - how unfair is that, blah!blah!blah!!!  So in the space of not knowing what the %&$# is going on, and really trying to grapple with it, comes this small voice from inside: "So Kim, what's your role in this? What, in who you are being, created this situation? What responsibility are you willing to take?"
 
Because it is in being able to see what my role is in the situation, and to really see who I am being, that I can see where I am the cause of my own pain adn see how I have also been resopnsible in creating this situation.  And once I can see that, then my healing can begin!!!  Oh what power there is in that!!  Because then I do take responsibility for my pain AND for  my own healing too - pure GOLD!!!
 
Because in reality, the other person is only giving me what I am asking for - yes, hear it again - the other person is only giving me what I ask for - not asking verbally, or on the surface, but internally, with my internal dialogue and beliefs about myself.  Ha! I can hear you saying again, but I didn't ask for this to happen, I didn't want it to be like this... well, guess what, if you take the time and really look, go inside and be still and really listen when you ask yourself, "What responsibility did I have in creating this situation? - "How was I a part of creating it?" - You may be surprised with the answers that you get. 
 
So in my processing, and in not having any input from the other person, I have come to peel another layer away, to access another "erroneous" belief I have about how people will treat me, that I probably created when I was very little, which is then the space that I conduct these kind of realtionships in.  Understand, this is NOT overt, it can take time to access these nuggets (for they are nuggets, because they are what we can use to transform into our gold).  At the same time, this is the actual space that I am creating my relationships in and this is what causes those blocks, those misunderstandings.  How can anyone really feel safe with me, if underpinning our "relationship" is this core poisonous belief? The space is not safe for the other person and the relationship will not be what I want it to be. 
 
And this is what I mean by taking responsibility so that the healing can begin.  Because as I now get a deeper understanding of myself and what I bring to situations like this, and an awareness of the underlying energy that I create with this person, I can then look at it and decide - do I want to carry on like this, or do I want to shift it?  And I find that each time I get that deeper insight into myself, when I get the AHA! of who I am being, and how I am responsible, there is a change in my energy, my vibration feels higher and lighter, and as I shift what that old belief was, and it can be as easy as because I decide to, then the magic happens. People respond to that energy, the space I create for them is safer, more authentic, more real.  And that person may never speak to me again because of what has gone before, but they have served me well, as they have given me the kick in the arse to go inside and really look at who I am being, have "pushed a button " in me, where I have then been able to really look within and take responsibility for my own healing!! 
 
And yes, it has hurt and it has been painful AND it is truely powerfull!! And the shifts that I now choose to make, create a safe space for others to be in relationship to me!! That is powerful alchemy!!
 
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Till next tme
With the greatest love
Kim
xxxxx
 

 


Wednesday, 7 November 2012

The Magical World of Possibilities!!

 
The Magical World of Possibilities!!

I love writing this blog - there's something about being able to express myself through writing that lights me up, and of course I am loving the reactions that I am getting from so many people.  I am very present to the fact that by being in action around my blog (oh yes, I do feel very possesive over it!) and going with what, on a gut level, I feel that I should be sharing, that this has opened a world of possibilities out there for me.
 
 
Of course it has not only been the blog - it has been getting my website up and running, setting up my social media, letting people know what I am doing, etc - all of which have been sparked by letting go of my fear and starting the blog.   And what this being in action has brought me, is all sorts of possible opportunties being presented to me that I would not have even begun to consider, that I would never even have known about, if I had not first taken the risk ,and just put what I believe in, out there. AND it has allowed me to reconnect with some very special people too!
 
And with that comes this amazing, powerful energy, this belief that, YES! I am doing what I should be doing, that the universe is applauding me and telling me to do more of what I am doing, and on some level I feel a validation that what I am doing is meaningful, not only to me, but to others too, and that I have great value to add.  And in that amazing energy that comes with the excitment of people responding in ways that I had not imagined, I am able to be open and attract more opportunties, more possibilities.  I know that they won't all work out or be something I want to do, however, they WILL all connect me to people in new and interesting ways, giving me new perspectives, new ideas, new insights.
 
So, my recommendation to anyone who is thinking about doing something new, something different, something that may feel like a risk, is just do it - take some action - take that first step - you will be surprised at what possibilites open up for you in that space - it's a glorious space to be in!!
 
Till next time
With the greatest love
Kim
xxx

P.S.
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Friday, 2 November 2012

What would the old bats say?


So what would the old bats say?

 
Thought I'd share this with you - a light, yet rather wise, way to end the week .... My awesome friend came up with this idea recently and we find we are using it more and more when we are feeling unsure when making a decision. 
 
"So, what would the old bat(s) say?" This is the question we ask ourselves when we are faced with a situation and are unsure how to go forward. The old bats we are referring to here are our older selves (ha!ha!) and the idea is that we consider what advice our older selves would give us, with their hindsight, if they were able to connect with us in the situation where we are currently struggling to make a decision.
 
What we are really doing, is that we tapping into our own innate wisdom, perhaps even the wisdom of the old crone, we are really connecting to ourselves.  We are connecting to what, on a gut level, feels right for us and we use their wisdom that we tap into through this process to support us now.
 
We like to keep the energy light (because of course - we picture ourselves as outrageous old bats - who no longer give a sh** what anyone else thinks!) Sometimes the responses are hilarious, and the old bats can be downright rude and crude. And sometimes, the insights we get have the wisdom of the ages and are given with the greatest love. And yes sometimes we are unsure - probably because we let our heads muddy the water!
 
And through working with this light, fun energy, I am so often struck by how I know the answer in my gut, how I do have that wisdom inside of me anyway and perhaps it is through keeping the energy light that I am able to access this wisdom and connect with what FEELS right  for me.  We have also come to realise how much we take ourselves too seriously, and that while what we are grappling with can seem to be so huge right now, that in the grand scheme of life, it'll feel like a molehill!!
 
So what does YOUR old bat have to say?
 
 
And the message that I'm getting from my old bat right now is "Kim. what the hell are you still doing at your computer - go and enjoy your weekend!!"
 
 With the greatest love
Till next time
Kim
 
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