Tuesday, 23 July 2013

The Jewels of Darkness

The Jewels of Darkness


I am always so intrigued by the response I get from my blog.  One aspect that really underscores for me more than ever why I write this blog, is because of the response I get from those that know me personally.  Invariably someone will say something along the lines of “Shame Kim, it really sounds like you are having a tough time at the moment”, or  “It sounds like you are really grappling with yourself at the moment” (as though this is something unusual and something that is not good!!))…. I really feel the need to get this off my chest, so here goes!!!
My perception is that our social conditioning is all about looking good.  So when someone asks “How are you?”, the expected response is “I’m fine” (even when I’m not).  Both exchanges are completely meaningless and neither party really even thinks about what they are saying!! And yes I am just as guilty as the next person when it comes to this standard way of greeting. We seem to live in this world where we need to been seen to be having these perfect, harmonious lives, with no worries, no relationship issues, no discordant relationships with our kids, no money worries, no work worries….. just these blessedly calm, peaceful lives which just go on as if there is are no rough seas and everything about our lives is totally blissful.


And what utter crap that is!!!! The reality is that life is not like that at all and nor is it meant to be.  It is filled with challenges and obstacles, and hardships and fun and laughter, and light too.  Now, perhaps if we were to look at these hard things that happen in our lives differently – as gifts, as jewels, as something that is actually precious.  My view is that as human beings we need these seemingly hardships for us to develop ourselves as human beings.  We need them to develop ourselves as spiritual beings, to connect with our higher power. If we take the time to reflect on what happens while and after we are going through a difficult time in our lives, how often do we find that we have changed in some way, usually with a deeper understanding of ourselves?  I do believe that we are given / create our challenges so that we CAN grow, so that we can expand ourselves as human beings.  We probably would do very little developing if we were not to experience any tough times and life was always on an even keel.  It is said that the bliss happens when we get out of our comfort zones and the same is true for us on an emotional level too. We often experience that blissful feeling AFTER something has gone wrong and we have worked through it in some way.  So perhaps we need the hard times to be able to experience the bliss, which to my mind makes the hard times the jewels!!
And so it is that I work at welcoming these tough times, no matter how I may resist them as they happen, how I may revert to victim mode at the time, I find that I am able to change the energy around what is happening and to look for what my learning can be in a situation, how I can do things differently, how I can change how I respond to situations and in this I am able to transform who I am being, how I am experiencing my world and how others are experiencing me.  And yes it is a work in progress!!


Just imagine how different our lives could be, if we were to openly embrace the bad times and the deep value that they bring to our lives.  Just think how differently we could support each other and how much more deeply we could connect with each other if we were ok with not being 100% ok in the current accepted sense. Imagine if being ok included all the challenges in our lives along with all the great stuff in our lives. And imagine if we really cared about how the other person is feeling and how you would feel if others cared about how you were feeling. Imagine being able to respond somewhat differently to the question “How are you?” with something way more meaningful than “I’m fine”.  Imagine if you could say, “Actually, I am feeling pretty sad today.”  And then to take it a step  further - if the other person could then say, “Want to talk about it?” “Or how I can I support you?” Or is there anything you need from me?”  (sometimes maybe all you need is a hug!) And just in changing that, we could change our relationships forever.  I believe that we could evolve as spiritual beings more meaningfully and could create an emotionally safer world for us all to live in.
Is this possible?  I believe so.  Many people probably operate in a state of numbness.  In other words they don’t really allow themselves to feel and experience what is going on in their lives.  They block off those “bad” feelings because it feels too hard to go there and can be quite scary and lonesome. However, if we were to make it okay to express how we feel, to “wear our hearts on our sleeves” so to speak, I wonder how freeing that could be for many, how less lonely it could be.  Imagine how different our lives could be if we didn’t need to suppress the “bad” stuff – the stuff that is the very essence of life, the stuff that really lets our light shine. And imagine the level of support we could open ourselves to by sharing where we are at, how much more quickly we could move through the dark times into the lighter times, and in that I wonder how much more joyous our lives could be? Imagine being able to continually process what you are going through as you interact with people throughout your day and being able to release the burden of feeling bad more quickly and not need to carry it around with you pretending that all is wonderful right now.  We have no idea of the extent of the richness of the wisdom we could tap into from all of those around us if we just were to be open to it….


And that is the very essence of this blog – it is what drives it and what fuels my passion.  It is about the authentic sharing of how I am feeling so that it creates a safe place for others to share how they are feeling. And in this I seek to change how we relate to each other, that I show that it is ok to share the struggles and the breakthroughs, the dark and the light.  And in some way it is working.  After every blog there is always someone who says “I feel that you wrote that blog for me, that you were speaking for me in a way that I am not able to speak.” If you look at what I have in my header for my blog – it really encompasses what this blog is all about …. This part of the Journey…



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With the greatest love - till next time