Wednesday, 12 April 2017

What gives me pleasure… a new way of “doing” gratitude!!

As we do from time to time, I recently had a new AHA!! moment! I realised that I had a number of quite bad bruises on my body, particularly around my right foot area – each one inflicted through my own lack of being present….

Around the same time, while chatting with a friend, she mentioned Louise Hay.  So after she left, I got out my Louise Hay book "You Can Heal Your Life" and checked out what Louise Hay has to say  about bruising first - and that one I had already got to – all about self- harm, beating myself up, etc… This was a no-brainer for me!

I then looked at what Louise Hay says about ankles, as this was my biggest, sorest, most intense bruise, around my right ankle.  And what Louise Hay has to say about ankles is: Ankles represent the ability to receive pleasure. 

Well that one hit me between the eyes!!  Suddenly I realised how much I deny myself receiving pleasure – the simple things that make life feel good.  The affirmation that goes with this realisation is : I deserve to rejoice in life. I accept all the pleasure that life has to offer.

As I wrote this affirmation out, I realise just how true it is – how I don’t allow myself to RECEIVE the pleasure that life offers and so committed to myself to really engage with this.  I realised that  although I try to focus on things that I am grateful for on a daily basis, I am often just going through the motions and I often don’t get into the feeling of being grateful.  So I thought that I would shift this and do things a different way and play with the notion of receiving pleasure. 

How I approach it is, when I am feeling anxious or fearful or I wake up and can’t sleep, I ask myself: What in this moment gives me pleasure?  What this does is bring me right into the moment – to become aware of where I am at and to focus on something that makes me feel good right then and so shift how I am feeling. 

So for instance If I wake up in the middle of the night and can’t go back to sleep, I focus on what it is that gives me pleasure in that moment – so it may be snuggling up under my warm blankets, or relaxing my body, (getting into physical feelings is great because it gets you into the moment).  I then focus on that feeling only and really enjoy it – this enhances the pleasure and appreciation as  I am focusing on it and really savouring it.  I often find that after that that I quickly fall asleep.

If I am driving along and am stuck in traffic, I ask myself: What in this moment gives me pleasure?  And as I look around, I may notice how beautiful the sunshine is, or how sparkling the sea looks, or how nice it is to just sit for a bit – it gets me to focus on what makes me feel good… 

Or when I am busy enjoying myself with friends, focusing on what it is about what I am enjoying that gives me real pleasure – what it is that brings me that enjoyment.

Or if I am procrastinating or feeling bored, if I ask what gives me pleasure, it could even be how my back is being supported by the chair, or  I am feeling nice and warm, or I am enjoying drinking my tea… the possibilities are endless…

With this approach, I find that 9 times out of 10, I can find something in whatever I am experiencing as giving pleasure. It’s these thin slices of pleasure that all add up and that make life look better and lifts my energy.  In this way I am allowing myself to accept the pleasure that life has to offer – it is around me and available all the time, I just need to go inward and tune into it

The reality is that there is a lot of sh*t in life and it’s going to keep coming…. It’s how we find ways to deal with it and shift our energy around it that makes a difference to what we experience.  I am also aware that I spend a lot of time focusing on the negative stuff in life ( what is that with us – spending so much time engaging with the bllleeechchch stuff?) and this gets me to move away from this at a very powerful energetic level. 

For me these pleasure moments take me beyond gratitude, it takes me to a space of really tuning into what feels good to me – on an energetic level this is really healthy and the more I focus on what gives me pleasure, the more that I can experience that pleasure, the more I can shift my energy.  In that the gratitude and thankfulness is automatic as we really get into the feeling of appreciation and don’t have to manufacture it!!

Go on – try it out!! and let me know what you experience.

Till next time

(Kim operates under the banner of The Brain Trainer.  She offers:

  • Brain Training (Neurofeedback) 
  • I-on-1 processing for people wanting to process a specific issue with someone objective and non-judgemental
  • Facilitation of difficult conversations
Have a look at to find out more

Saturday, 14 May 2016


Powerful seems to be my theme for 2016.  And part of being powerful is in getting writing again and using the voice that I have in a way that I love. It is so long since I did any of this kind of writing - it feels like I had got so caught up in survival in the world (not in a bad way, I was doing what I love, working with people - just being too focused in one area and not having some necessary balance), that in some way I diminished my power and let some of it go, and in doing that I "lost" my voice for a bit. I wonder how different things could have been if I had balanced out my life doing more of the things that I love and using that energy to build my internal power, to be authentically powerful!

And by power, I don't mean that domineering, aggressive, autocratic, making others feel small kind of power. Rather I mean that beautiful,internal energy, that allows you to shine, allows you to give of yourself to the world and contribute in an authentic positive way, that allows you to connect with who you really are, that gives you purpose and is your real life force. That is power in it's pure form.

At the beginning of this year I went through an incredible process with my friend Anni.  The purpose of this process was to set my "word" for 2016. What this means is to have a word to live into for the year. I had no preconceived ideas of what this word would be and I certainly did not expect it to be what it is.  My word is POWERFUL!!  While it was unexpected, it just feels right and it rings true in my heart.  It feels like this my time to really come into my own - to share the authentic me in a connected way with people - to be beautifully powerful.

I am aware that I am one of those people who make nice, who smooths things over, who likes to keep the peace.  As with anything, there are positive and negative aspects to this. While all this has a place, it can also be something that in actual fact harms me, the person I should most be taking care of.  Because in making nice all the time, I am not standing up for myself (standing up for myself doesn’t have to be aggressive, it can be calm and gentle), I am being subservient and I am not taking care of my needs - in effect I am giving my power away.  I am getting to see that more and more.  Right now it is not comfortable, it is challenging and I am aware of my own resistance, and yet I know deep down that now is the time for me to shift this, so that I DO take care of myself in a powerful way, without diminishing anyone else - really just to be powerfully strong and very grounded.

I have been grappling internally with this for some time.  My partner, Neil, tends to hold a tight space for me here - he can see more clearly than I can where I give my power away and he challenges me all along the way.  He does not rescue me, he does push my buttons big time (which I know are my areas of growth) - he wants to see me shine, he wants to receive what I can bring to the world, if I will only allow myself to access it, so that I can be a mirror to others to reflect their own power back to them - that innate wisdom that needs to be shared. And for that I honour him, even as I grapple with it (and with him!! LOL!! J)

And I have done some other powerful work too, looking at ways to shift myself.  A while ago, I went on an inner child art based workshop - and I loved it.  I have never viewed myself as being artistic, however I loved the process of getting totally absorbed in what I was doing, with beautiful music playing in the background, and found that I created some pieces that I really connect with.   I feel that when we can access that side of ourselves where we can get totally absorbed in what we are doing, that is when we can tap into our own immense power.  It frees up the mind to create your life on a whole different level and allows you to access parts of yourself that you tend to keep hidden.  

And then to further reinforce this whole theme of being powerful in this last week I had my astrology chart reading with Anya (a really tuned-in astrologist) and what came out of that reading is that right now, my challenges are around power, that what is going on in my life is around supporting me to step back into my power, to take my power back from where I have given it away - no blame to anyone else, they can't take my power unless I give it to them.  As the chart says, I could not avoid this time - unsettling, difficult, challenging, unavoidable - POWERFUL and liberating if I choose it to be. And in that I have a choice - I can either allow these challenges and struggles to overwhelm me and keep giving away my power and sit with a level of discomfort all the time.  Or I can choose to work with it, especially to grapple with being  uncomfortable and shifting things up despite myself, and in that access my power, claim my power back and grow more into the kind of human being I would like to be, into a space of being more at ease within myself.

From my chart, it also seems that I have the option to use this time as powerful building blocks to create something great for me - something that is aligned to my purpose, my reason for being on this earth at this time. That for me is truly powerful.

If I am to do that, then best I do it in the space of being powerful within myself, in the space of being connected to myself, in listening to my intuition and in aligning myself with my inner child.  Just as I am writing this ( I love this kind of writing - it just flows out of me), I can feel the excitement welling up inside me, as my inner child begins to dance, as I feel as though I am accessing more of my authentic self.  Just in writing this blog, I feel myself ease back into my own flow, I feel myself accessing myself all the more, I feel more powerful (that golden light kind of powerful) and much more connected to myself. 

And so I plan (and to get there Initially I will have to actually plan it till it comes more naturally), to do more artwork, to play more, to engage with my inner child more, to do more things outdoors, to listen to my own inner wisdom, to take the time to listen to my heart when I am confronted with something that challenges my power and respond in a way that is aligned with my own power and yet does not diminish the other, to dream about what it is I want to do and how I want to be (not wishy-washy but powerful visualisations), write more, laugh more, connect more, do more things that inspire and uplift me, make time for me………. These are the things that inspire me to be POWERFUL

Tuesday, 28 January 2014

So……. How much responsibility am I willing to take to ……?

At the moment I am very conscious of the concept of taking responsibility, sparked off by something that happened with one of my friends a number of months ago. Something hadn’t worked out how she wanted it to and she was quite emphatic that this was the only way for her.  Now this was regarding her health and what popped in my head, as she was saying why she couldn’t do it  any other way was – “So how much responsibility are you willing to take for your health?” And then  I bit my tongue because in that instant, of what was probably judgement, I realised that the same thing applies to me – she was being a mirror to me and I should actually be asking myself the same question.  I have some health things I “should” be sorting out and it is very easy to carry on in my comfort zone and do nothing about them.  Partly also why I have avoided writing this blog because in the writing of it, I know that I will be taking myself out of my comfort zone and pushing myself to do something about my health – at last!!

And so what is it about responsibility that keeps coming up for me?  I am so aware of it at the moment – both for myself and in conversations with my friends. For me this is one of those on-going life lessons and that we need to get being responsible on a deeper and deeper level.  It is about how much I am prepared to do to make my life work in the way that I want it to work.  I remember about 6 years ago being asked how much responsibility I was prepared to take to make sure that my sons had a relationship with their father.  Their father lives a 2 hour flight away and I have had all these stories about why he doesn’t keep in touch with them, all the stuff that I got myself hooked into and it has taken this long for me to really start to let go of that STUFF – which is just my story – and really look at how I can work with their dad to make things happen – to make sure that they DO have a relationship with their dad.  Instead of blaming, I need to work with how things are (Not how I think they should be) and so create a space for everyone to move into, where they can ease into a relationship where there was very little relationship before.  I realise that although I am no longer in a direct relationship with their dad, I am key to making their relationship happen (as is everyone else) and unless I was willing to step up and look at how I engage with him, what expectations I have of him (mostly unsaid but still out there), then there would be no space for the boys to move towards their dad or their dad to move towards them…..  We all get so caught up in the blame game, I think so that we can avoid that responsibility.  Because taking responsibility can cause us to be uncomfortable, can be hard, can make us look at ourselves differently and oh boy! do we not want to do that!!!  It ties in so beautifully with change for ourselves – it’s when we move out of our comfort zone that the magic happens.  And so too, when we really look at taking responsibility, we do change, we do shift what we are experiencing, thinking, feeling  and then the magic starts happening.  Suffice it to say, I have a long way to go in this Kim, Dad and Boys scenario. At the same time, I am so aware that my boys had a great time with their dad over Christmas and they feel connected to him in a way that they have not done for many years – after all he is their dad and it is SO important for all us that they do have a relationship with him.

And this taking responsibility means that I have to take stock of where I am at.  What is it that I don’t want, like, blame in my life?  Do I REALLY want it to be different?  Ok, if I do, then what am I going to do about it to make it happen? No one else will, or can really, take that responsibility in a way that really satisfies ME. And for me, the beginning of the year is a good time to take stock, become clear on what I do want and then set down the steps that I am prepared to do to make it happen.  And some things will work and others won’t – the bottom line however will be that I am the one making it happen, I am moving towards how I want my life to be, I am in charge and I am relying on myself and I am standing in my own power to ensure that what happens in my life, in my relationships, in my work, in my finances are happening because I am taking responsibility.

And in the grand scheme of this dance of life, this is only the start of taking responsibility….. but that’s a discussion for another day!

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With the greatest love - till next time

Tuesday, 23 July 2013

The Jewels of Darkness

The Jewels of Darkness


I am always so intrigued by the response I get from my blog.  One aspect that really underscores for me more than ever why I write this blog, is because of the response I get from those that know me personally.  Invariably someone will say something along the lines of “Shame Kim, it really sounds like you are having a tough time at the moment”, or  “It sounds like you are really grappling with yourself at the moment” (as though this is something unusual and something that is not good!!))…. I really feel the need to get this off my chest, so here goes!!!
My perception is that our social conditioning is all about looking good.  So when someone asks “How are you?”, the expected response is “I’m fine” (even when I’m not).  Both exchanges are completely meaningless and neither party really even thinks about what they are saying!! And yes I am just as guilty as the next person when it comes to this standard way of greeting. We seem to live in this world where we need to been seen to be having these perfect, harmonious lives, with no worries, no relationship issues, no discordant relationships with our kids, no money worries, no work worries….. just these blessedly calm, peaceful lives which just go on as if there is are no rough seas and everything about our lives is totally blissful.


And what utter crap that is!!!! The reality is that life is not like that at all and nor is it meant to be.  It is filled with challenges and obstacles, and hardships and fun and laughter, and light too.  Now, perhaps if we were to look at these hard things that happen in our lives differently – as gifts, as jewels, as something that is actually precious.  My view is that as human beings we need these seemingly hardships for us to develop ourselves as human beings.  We need them to develop ourselves as spiritual beings, to connect with our higher power. If we take the time to reflect on what happens while and after we are going through a difficult time in our lives, how often do we find that we have changed in some way, usually with a deeper understanding of ourselves?  I do believe that we are given / create our challenges so that we CAN grow, so that we can expand ourselves as human beings.  We probably would do very little developing if we were not to experience any tough times and life was always on an even keel.  It is said that the bliss happens when we get out of our comfort zones and the same is true for us on an emotional level too. We often experience that blissful feeling AFTER something has gone wrong and we have worked through it in some way.  So perhaps we need the hard times to be able to experience the bliss, which to my mind makes the hard times the jewels!!
And so it is that I work at welcoming these tough times, no matter how I may resist them as they happen, how I may revert to victim mode at the time, I find that I am able to change the energy around what is happening and to look for what my learning can be in a situation, how I can do things differently, how I can change how I respond to situations and in this I am able to transform who I am being, how I am experiencing my world and how others are experiencing me.  And yes it is a work in progress!!


Just imagine how different our lives could be, if we were to openly embrace the bad times and the deep value that they bring to our lives.  Just think how differently we could support each other and how much more deeply we could connect with each other if we were ok with not being 100% ok in the current accepted sense. Imagine if being ok included all the challenges in our lives along with all the great stuff in our lives. And imagine if we really cared about how the other person is feeling and how you would feel if others cared about how you were feeling. Imagine being able to respond somewhat differently to the question “How are you?” with something way more meaningful than “I’m fine”.  Imagine if you could say, “Actually, I am feeling pretty sad today.”  And then to take it a step  further - if the other person could then say, “Want to talk about it?” “Or how I can I support you?” Or is there anything you need from me?”  (sometimes maybe all you need is a hug!) And just in changing that, we could change our relationships forever.  I believe that we could evolve as spiritual beings more meaningfully and could create an emotionally safer world for us all to live in.
Is this possible?  I believe so.  Many people probably operate in a state of numbness.  In other words they don’t really allow themselves to feel and experience what is going on in their lives.  They block off those “bad” feelings because it feels too hard to go there and can be quite scary and lonesome. However, if we were to make it okay to express how we feel, to “wear our hearts on our sleeves” so to speak, I wonder how freeing that could be for many, how less lonely it could be.  Imagine how different our lives could be if we didn’t need to suppress the “bad” stuff – the stuff that is the very essence of life, the stuff that really lets our light shine. And imagine the level of support we could open ourselves to by sharing where we are at, how much more quickly we could move through the dark times into the lighter times, and in that I wonder how much more joyous our lives could be? Imagine being able to continually process what you are going through as you interact with people throughout your day and being able to release the burden of feeling bad more quickly and not need to carry it around with you pretending that all is wonderful right now.  We have no idea of the extent of the richness of the wisdom we could tap into from all of those around us if we just were to be open to it….


And that is the very essence of this blog – it is what drives it and what fuels my passion.  It is about the authentic sharing of how I am feeling so that it creates a safe place for others to share how they are feeling. And in this I seek to change how we relate to each other, that I show that it is ok to share the struggles and the breakthroughs, the dark and the light.  And in some way it is working.  After every blog there is always someone who says “I feel that you wrote that blog for me, that you were speaking for me in a way that I am not able to speak.” If you look at what I have in my header for my blog – it really encompasses what this blog is all about …. This part of the Journey…



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With the greatest love - till next time



Thursday, 13 June 2013

The Comfort of Discomfort

The Comfort of Discomfort

I am one of those people who haven’t really held much store by setting goals in the past.  I think particularly of those New Year’s resolutions that I have set that have really been out the window by the 15th of Jan!!  Totally useless and ineffective!! AND there are so many theories out there… don’t make the goal too big otherwise you might fail, or don’t make it too small otherwise you won’t stretch yourself……and so on and so on…
And I have to say that I am now something of a convert of setting goals.  When I look back at the goals that I set when I was on Change Starts With Me last year and where they took me and how effortlessly I achieved them and where I am right now with the goals I am working with.  I am clear that I have gone with my gut and am working with them in a way that works with me.  I have read quite a bit about working with goals and am really working with what resonates with me.
About 3 weeks ago I made a statement on this blog that I had set some goals and that one of my goals was to stick to my “rituals” I had created out of my reading.  Well, I am having a whole lot of fun in the discomfort that the focus on goals has brought me.  Firstly I am really excited with what I have achieved - I have achieved at least 6 of the goals I had set myself (and there is a lengthy list) – remember that they are all short-term goals – some of them achieved  before the date I had set and some of them on the date and some of them I had to adjust the date.  Another aspect that has amazed me is the opportunities that have opened up for me in such unexpected ways, or I have found that things that have been lying dormant have been re-activated and lots of action is happening around them.  My days have taken on a whole different dimension.
I have set goals in all aspects of my life and yes I am being moved out of my comfort zone in each and every one of those areas – some of it feels good, some of it is very uncomfortable.  What I am finding is that in my discomfort, I am learning more about myself and finding that I can manage that discomfort and not let it overwhelm me and actually use that discomfort to move myself away from where I have been so that I am in the process of creating something a whole lot different..  It brings up this determination to change what I am experiencing and make it work for me in a whole different way.
Perhaps the biggest shift  and most soul satisfying shift for me is in my personal energy – in how I am experiencing myself and  in how others are experiencing me.  I find that people are responding to me in a more connected way. In some ways it feels like I am more open and in that I draw people to me – more and more I find that strangers just start talking to me when we’re standing in queues or are walking around at the shops.  I can feel this shift in energy in a very tangible way.  I have this very definite experience of stepping into my power AND I also have this quiet assurance that I WILL make my goals happen – that my life is on a whole new exciting tack. AND in that I am making my life work at a whole different level (and yes there is a whole lot that still needs to shift and be worked through BUT the shifts are happening).   I am feeling grounded and there is a solidness to that feeling  that is very reassuring.  There’s a KNOWING that comes when I stand in my own power that gives me a space to really work with the discomforts that come up when I shift out of my comfort zone in a powerful, energetic way.  I find that I am finding ways to meet my goals in creative ways, using solutions that I would not normally have thought of.  I find that I am less resistant to other ideas from others – new ground for someone who lives in her head, so will look to analyse why something can or can’t work, instead of just seeing them as opportunities…..

One of the main reasons for doing this exercise was to see how I could make my life work differently.  And it is already working a whole lot differently in ways that are new and exciting and unexpected – am really looking forward to see what happens over the next couple of weeks as more of my goal deadlines approach.  And the comfort in all the discomfort is that things ARE changing for me in exciting ways and that I am in touch with aspects of myself that have been dormant for so long – this is all very powerful stuff which creates such shifts of energy that my life can no longer be what it was!!! I am also working at taking it to a whole new level – not just as a “let’s see where this takes me”, rather as a “how can I really make meaningful change in my life”…. So to sum it all up – yes, working with goals really works for me and in all of this change I am loving who I am being in this space I have created……..

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With the greatest love - till next time



Thursday, 23 May 2013

Setting A New Course

Setting A New Course

And the challenge of getting over myself and getting on with my life and making it happen is reflected in my lack of blog writing and so it is time…. Time to move on…. Time to shift….. Time to start with something different… Time to get off my arse and get going….. Time to change the way I have been doing things…. Time to blog!!!! Ha! Ha! Ha!

I know there are many like me, who get stuck, who know they have to move, who are kind of comfortable in their very uncomfortable (dis)comfort zone ( get your head round that one!!!)  I have done some interesting reading lately and one of the things I read was “When the pain of being the same becomes greater than the pain of being different, you change” – (From Why is God Laughing by Deepak Chopra).  So the challenge of being aware that the pain of being the same is becoming too much, brings with it the query – How?  How do I change?  How can I get different results in my life?  What must I do to make things different?….

And in this space of feeling somewhat rudderless and drifting along with all my fears and discomforts, some things came my way which have helped me set a direction and have supported me in feeling like I have some direction and purpose again.…  And these have come in various forms…. I do some work for Gavin Coetzee and Associates and we are busy with his “Change Starts With Me” programme which is run for the public in all the major centres in SA.  As we have been focusing on this, I was reminded of the very valuable work that he does on these workshops and the HUGE changes I experienced after doing the course last year and what it was that caused those changes.  My neighbour leant me Robin Sharma’s “The Monk Who Sold His Ferrari” (it’s the concepts that he talks about that are so valuable…the story is not the important part). My partner had some tapes copied for me to mp3 format by Brian Tracy called Maximum Achievement…. And so the list goes on – I have been given some real clear messages from the Universe here – Kim, this is what you need to do to move forward.

What I am aware of, is that they are all saying very similar things about what tools you can use to get yourself going.  And in the writing of all this, what strikes me is that for many people these kind of practices are not something that we are taught from a young age to make a natural part of our lives. It seems that most of us we have only really discovered them as adults.  So these areas to focus on to make a difference in my life, on some level I know them – at the same time, I am aware that I need to be reminded of them which means that they are not something that are really a part of me yet – they still need to become so. In Robin Sharma’s book he talks about following the practices for 30 days because by then they have become a habit.

And the tools that I have drawn from all this collective wisdom that has come my way is the following:

-          The first step really is to make the decision and to do something about it
-          Set some goals - I have set some goals for myself. It seems that goals are key to creating shifts and begin the process of moving forward – all the rest is really in support of helping me achieve my goals and in creating a life that is more rich, energised and vital. I am aware that I resist the setting of goals, however what I do find that no sooner have a set them, than things start to shift in the direction I want them to go… it’s like a magic formula!!!  I work with the goals a number of times a day – I actually have them programmed in my calendar on my cellphone and I read and visualise them at least 3x a day!!  I have also set up a project plan where I plan for what I am going to do for each day towards each goal and look for how I can push myself out of my comfort zone.  There are all sorts of ways to look at goals.  I have some BHAGs (Big Hairy Audacious Goals) that have been around for some time, however I have felt intuitively that right now I need to focus on some short-term goals and as these start manifesting, to then look at my medium and long-term goals. It seems I need to feel those successes
-          Start my day reflecting what I am grateful for – it’s a warm, positive space to get the day going from

-          Take the time to meditate every day – to quiet my mind, to have a time of total silence, to connect with myself and my universal wisdom, to let go of “stuff” in my head, to allow the power of the sub-conscious to rise to the surface

-          Take the time to exercise every day – working with my body to energise and revitalise

-          Eat as much live, whole foods as possible – I find that the more I cut out the processed and junk foods, the more alive my body feels and my energy levels and vitality soar

-          Spend some time outdoors in nature everyday – there is something so grounding and recharging about doing this for me and of course I have the beautiful Kommetjie beach just down the road…..

-          Work with affirmations and mantras – I use these to negate the negative thoughts in my head – I spend time while I am driving or walking saying something positive about myself or what I would like to happen (as though it has already happened) and this leaves no space for negative thought patterns – this is something that I WILL change – it is one of my goals – yes the dark side will always be a part of me, however it will not be my comfort zone any longer – I will constantly use it to fuel change in my life
-          Read or listen to things that stimulate my mind, that get my creative side going and that feed my passions, nourishes me

-          Listen to inspiring music  - you can’t feel negative when you’re listening to good sounds

-          Look to do something different every day, even if it is to take a different route home – challenging when you live in as small a place as Kommetjie  J!!!

-          Laugh every day – I do some laughter yoga on my own – that in itself makes me laugh but it sure leaves me feeling great

-          Personal reflection – look at what is working and acknowledge it.  Look at what’s not working and put decide what to do differently

So with all this information/wisdom that I have had swimming around in my head and in wanting to make it all really work for me, I have created a daily ritual for myself that I am going to perform for the next 30 days (I have been kind of following it for the last week but have allowed some excuses to erode my discipline….) – so here goes, I am publically setting myself a new goal – to follow the daily ritual that incorporates all the above concepts for the next 30 days starting tomorrow 24 May 2013.  The aim is to shift myself from where I am now - I am very clear on what I want to change because I have set my goals – to be in a very different space in all aspects of my life.  And I commit to doing a check-in on my blog as to how I am doing on the 7th June and then on the 30th day which will be the 23rd June.  Of course what I am looking for is to make these practices a part of my life and not just for the 30 days.  What this commitment to this daily ritual will require of me is discipline, it will require me to focus on what I am doing and to focus on my priorities and to plan my time …. Oh boy, do I resist these words or what???  At the same time, I am feeling way more optimistic and excited about what the next 30 days will bring than I have in a long time!!
And in the working with all this, I find that my creativity is being stimulated and I have some ideas that I am working on in supporting others to do something similar – exciting stuff and will keep you posted!!!
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With the greatest love - till next time



Tuesday, 26 March 2013

Those Life-Defining AHAs!!!!

Those Life-Defining AHAs!!

Have you ever had one of those life-defining moments – where something that’s been there all along just jumps up and smacks you in the face and you think AHA!! I just really GET it now!!
I had one of those a couple of days ago.  I was assisting on a Harlequin course – which is something that I do fairly regularly. I take my own development very seriously and the Harlequin work is a powerful experience to take yourself to another level. I always find such value in assisting as I feel I keep getting a deeper insight into myself each time – none quite so profound as this one though.
Christopher was talking about relationships, which to me is really what we as humans are here to experience, for it is through being in relationship that we really learn what it is to be human…. Anyway, I digress…. Christopher used the age old story about the toothpaste cap being left off   you know the one where we get our knickers in a knot (my words, not his) over the small stuff and it’s in how we choose to react to all the stuff that determines how we relate.  Now there are a number of ways to react to the “lid left off the toothpaste” scenario…  we talked of a number, including leaving the relationship…  And this is where I had my AHA! Christopher said something along the lines of that if you choose to leave the relationship, make sure it’s because it’s your choice and NOT because he “left the toothpaste cap off”!!  And KABAM!! I had that life defining moment , that AHA, that huge, momentous insight– I realised that even after all this time (I am talking years here!!) and all the personal work I have done, that I still blamed my ex for the break-up of our relationship!!  And in that moment I set myself AND him free!!  Oh yes, I had intellectualised that I took responsibility for my part in the breakdown of the relationship and it was all in my head – but deep down I still blamed him – he was at fault, it was because of all the things he did or didn’t do!!
It was very freeing to come to that realisation – in that instant I have changed my life, and his, and most definitely my children’s.  It means that I am coming from a very different space when I talk to him or about him and others will hear and sense that in my voice.  It creates a much more positive energy, a much safer space for my kids to explore their relationship with him. It gives him the space to engage with the children in a much more constructive space if he so chooses. They will all sense this and they may not necessarily know why or how, but they will feel the difference.

And I am also aware that I have not come to this realisation alone.  In a very real way I was primed for the realisation. My special relationship is one where the space is held very tightly for me to really look at how I am being and there has been plenty that has come up for me in the last couple of weeks around my ex for various reasons.  My partner would not let me wriggle off the hook, no matter how much I tried to abdicate a deeper level of responsibility in making sure that my children have a connection with their father and I realise that all my resistance, my anger and my tears were coming from a space of blame all along.  And he just held fast in his belief that I should not give up, that I have the responsibility to my children to shift and in the shifting make things work for my kids.
And I realise too, that in coming to this insight about me and in my freeing myself, it allows for a further deepening in our relationship too. It creates a safer space for both him and me, where he knows I will take responsibility for how I react to what goes on for me in our relationship.  And for the space that he holds for me I honour him – he stands for me acting in integrity for my own good and therefore for those around me too – that makes me feel valued in way that is beyond measure.
And all this brings home to me if I work at deepening my awareness and am open to the AHAs – I can change how I experience my life! What AHAs have you had that have changed your life?

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With the greatest love - till next time