At a fork in the road?
And today I find myself at a crossroads - yes a self imposed one, not created by anyone else other than me. I came to a decision that I HAD to do something about a certain situation that has not been working for me and I thought that I must do something about it TODAY - I am off to assist on Harlequin for the next 4 days and thought that it would be one less thing to have taking up my headspace!! Talking of taking up headspace - I had a really bad weekend of spending WAAAYYY too much time in my head - all that it achieved was a whole lot of angst and a not very nice weekend - didn't look after myself very well, did I???
Anyway to get back on track, when I made this decision on waking up this morning, I remembered about something that I read this weekend that had made an impact on me. I was reading "Feel the Fear, And Do It Anyway" by Susan Jeffers. In her book, Susan talks about how we so often operate from the space of no-win as we grapple with worrying about whether we are making the "right" decision when we are having to make a choice. I don't know if this resonates with you, but it certainly does with me - I often feel paralyzed as I try to work out what is the "right" choice. She offers a different way of looking at - what if, as we are faced with having to make a choice, that we see it as a no-lose situation. Either path is the right one, and each one will have it's own goodies (whatever those may look like) that we will experience along the way. Hmm.... I kind of like looking at choices that way, because yes, there will be good stuff in either choice.....
So armed with this insight, and knowing that I could either leave the situation as it is or I could do something about it, and wanting to be in action, I decided to DO something about it. And this is where I was selling myself short, without even realising it. In wanting to be in action and MAKE something happen, and being willing to work with whatever came up out of the decision, I had not really looked at the who I was being in that decision making, at where I was letting my power lie and how much of my own power I was giving away by taking that decision. Luckily for me, I am learning to be less impulsive about these decisions and have learnt that I often need another consciously thought through perspective, so I had got everything ready but I had not actually taken the action. So I processed it with my wise woman friend (we're going to be old bats together just you wait and see!!) and through my processing I realised that if I carried on with my decision, that while I would feel "good" because I had done something, I was really repeating some old patterns and that feel good factor would be short-lived and not serve me well in the long run. I realised (after a few tears too) that by doing nothing about it for now, and just waiting and creating the space for the situation to evolve, that I would then be holding all my power and not giving it away, that I would be taking a stand for myself and that for now, this was the path for me to take. It won't always be easy, but it will be powerful for me and by doing what I am doing, I am taking a stand for me - even in the space of doing nothing, as it is conscious, well thought through decision to do nothing. Ahhh... the wonder of being human!! Any thoughts?
Tons of love till next time!
P.S. Have a look at my newly published website - www.ask-kim.com (yes I need a newer photo - will come when my allergy eyes are better!!)