Wednesday, 2 January 2013

Bridging the Chasm of Disconnection

Bridging the Chasm of Disconnection

My take on relationships (of any sort) is that they are a very necessary part of the magic of the human journey - they are probably the things that we grapple with most and can learn from best, and yet, so often, we conduct our relationships with a such a lack of awareness of the other person/people and then still wonder why they don't work!!
It is this space of awareness in relationships that I am exploring and realising how much I assume and how much I let the "stories" in my head create these assumptions that may or may not be correct. And then when I operate from these assumptions, I am not operating in awareness of the other person and then, oh boy! the shit can hit the fan!!! And sometimes the results of operating in this space of being less consciousness can create less than desirable results in the relationship - it can cause hurt, misunderstanding and a real disconnection.....
Just the other day, I found myself in this space of disconnection, without even knowing how I had got there (lack of awareness and operating under my own assumptions - I saw in hindsight). I was taken aback, I had caused someone huge pain, and had made them feel really angry and unsupported, and I did all that with a total lack of awareness.  It took me a while to realise that was something not working but I was unsure of what the hell was going on.  Once there was a opportunity to ask what was going on, there was not the space to discuss it and I had to walk away from it for a period. Now, this relationship is very important to me and while my style is to engage and grapple with what's going on right away rather than sit and stew and create all sorts of scenarios in my head, I had to give up on that and walk away from the situation (only overnight - so not that long!!).  It is not easy for me to walk away for a bit, at the same time, because this relationship is that important to me, I found that in the period that I had before we could talk about what was going on, that I consciously gave myself the time to become aware of the other person and  in this space of wanting to be more aware to consider what might work when we did get to engage about what had happened.
It is a beautiful thing when we can work through these disconnections together and create a bridge over this chasm is created when we disconnect.  The reality is that things will crop up in relationships, buttons will be pushed, we will hurt others, we will be hurt.... the magic lies in how we manage these issues, so that we don't end up with a chasm that divides us totally. 
So, with having had the time to process, when we were able to create the space to engage with each other, I felt able to ask what was really happening for the other person, and then I could could look at what responsibility I had in creating the disconnect that had happened and then to look at what I could do in the future so that I do not cause the same hurt again - to strive to work from a space of conscious awareness of myself in relationship with the other person. It is magical to be part of a relationship where we want things to work, where we are prepared to give the other person the space to express themselves, without the need for it to be a ranting or blaming session, where we can both look at where our responsibility lies in what happened and to look at how we can manage it differently in future.
And in engaging in this way, that is gentle, seeking to deepen our awareness of the other person and also ourselves, and focusing on how what we have learned to make things work better in future, that we were able to move into a space that feels more intimate and more connected - this for me is key for creating connected intimate relationships... this is the magic!! do you manage the disconnections in your relationships??
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With the greatest love

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